Six Observations About Super Bowl XLV

3 min read

Okay, so I didn’t watch the entire Super Bowl. Frankly, I was bored. It was anything but a boring game, so I’m not sure why I felt so impatient. Perhaps because I’m in the middle of an interesting book.

I did watch until nearly the end of halftime. Which, I believe, qualifies me to make a half dozen observations about the event:

1. The sideshows have now overwhelmed the game. Unless you’re a fan of one of the contenders, the actual football game has become so subordinate to the hoopla that it’s almost beside the point. The billions–something like $10 billion spent by Americans on Super Bowl-related activities–don’t have a whole lot to do with football. Even the sports chatterers I listened to Monday had more to say about the commercials and the halftime show and Xtina than the game.

2. The Black Eyed Peas kinda sucked. I do not love the Black Eyed Peas, but I was, at least, interested to hear them. I was happy that the halftime show was not going to feature another dinosaur rock act like Springsteen or the Stones or  CBS’s very-own CSI commercial, the Who. (Perhaps Bill Haley and His Comets were unavailable.) But–holy crap, they were bad. The halftime show is always an exercise in bombast, but this was amusical, as well. Best worst part: Fergie’s Axl Rose impression on “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” Horrid.

3. Some people should not live blog. During big events, Twitter becomes a stream of bad jokes and painfully obvious observations. Facebook, too. It’s mostly annoying. For every smart commentator, there are twenty people doing schtick. I’m sure I’ve underestimated here.

4. Aaron Rodgers is the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL. Everyone just knew Aaron Rodgers was going to take over the game and lead his team, the Green Bay Packers, to victory, right? I mean, it was manifest destiny. Unless he has a concussion, he’s basically unstoppable. I don’t see any reason why the Pack will not win the next ten Super Bowls in a row. It doesn’t matter who else the Packers have. Aaron Rodgers and the Noblesville Pee Wee Tigers could have beaten the Steelers. Why bother waiting to enshrine him at Canton? (The hyperbole is ridiculous. Yes, Aaron Rodgers had a fine game, and I’m sure he’ll have a fine career.)

5. Big Advertising is out of ideas. Yes, that’s a little harsh. A few of the spots were good. The Volkswagen spot with the Darth Vader kid was really cute. The Audi spot featuring Kenny G was funny. But mostly, Advertising’s Big Night was filled with the same, old overblown crap: windy special effects spectacles, funny animals, talking babies, crotch shots, celebrities. Yawn. If you missed the game, watch them all for yourself here. Bring a pillow.

6. Our Doritos spot was better than the ones they chose. Okay, I know we didn’t hit the demographic–which is, apparently, twenty-something men with pea-sized brains. But the three Doritos Crash the Super Bowl spots that were chosen were disappointing. “Pug” was predictable and pedestrian. “Finger Licking” was funny but disgusting and cast the product in a bad light. “House Sitting” was the best spot of the three–but wasn’t anything special. None of them could touch the brilliance of Kipp Normand.

And the best part is that, next year, we get to experience it all first hand, right here in Indianapolis. Bring it on, NFL. My recommendation for next year’s halftime show: Yoko Moment. I promise we won’t cover any Guns N’ Roses tunes.