Dear Peyton,

How’s it going? It was great to see you at the Celebration of Hope Gala for Peyton Manning Children’s Hospital at St.Vincent. You looked as if you were having a great time. Kenny Chesney was fantastic and Bob Costas was his old, charming self, wasn’t he? And the event raised over $1.2 million to support a great cause. Well done.

Speaking of which: we know you’re kind of at loose ends right now, career-wise. So Well Done Marketing would like to offer you a job.

We were thinking you could be mostly a sort of “good will ambassador” for our company; we also need an HR director, so it will probably end up being 50/50. We can’t come close to what you were making with the Colts, but when you don’t have a job, you take what you can get, right? So we were thinking of starting you at $60,000. (That’s per year, before taxes.) You’d be eligible for a three-percent bump in 90 days, so you have that to look forward to, as well.

Plus, we’ll be really flexible with time off. We know you want to devote time to Peyton Manning Children’s Hospital at St.Vincent, and that’s cool with us; we encourage our employees to get involved with great causes. We can keep your agreement sort of loose, just in case the football thing gets working again. You can also keep your freelance gigs with your sponsors, so long as it doesn’t interfere with core business hours.

We already have your space picked out:

Your desk. We’d clean up around it and get you a chair, too.

Here’s one of the dudes you’d share your office with. You might remember him from the PMCH license plate shoot. Good guy.

Matt Gonzales–also one of your suite mates. I don’t think you’ve ever met him, but I’m pretty sure you’ll get along okay.

Are you a Ted Nugent fan? This baby’s hanging on the wall by your desk. Sweet, right?

We think you’ll like our offices. We’re down in Fountain Square, so there are lots of great places to eat and hang out. I’m guessing it will take you less than 30 minutes to get here, door to door. And it’s, like, five minutes to Lucas Oil Stadium. So even if the football thing works out, you might consider staying on. (We’d make allowances for away games. You could come in a little later on Mondays.)

Also: funny story. You might recognize the sofa in my office:

My sofa. Look familiar?

It’s the same one we used when we shot the Project 18 TV spots a couple of years ago. (You have to watch the first two spots before the ones featuring the sofa come on.)

Anyhow, after the shoot, we needed a sofa and this one had been on sale, so instead of bringing it back, we bought it. I love it. Very comfortable.

What have we forgotten? We have a good health insurance plan. No 401(k)–yet. (Maybe you can look into that in your HR capacity.) We drink beer at 3:37 every Friday. We also have sort of a house rock band, so there are lots of guitars around. If you want invite Kenny Chesney to chillax with you at work sometimes, we’re cool with that.

Also, we wouldn’t bug you about autographs or show you off to our friends or make you throw the ball around with us or anything (unless you wanted to). We know you’re kind of a big deal, but we’re professionals. We know how to act around celebrities. (Sort of like the end zone–act like you’ve been there before, right?)

Anyhow. Take a couple of days to think about it if you want. We’d like to get the deal done sometime next week.



PS: We’re also looking to hire a graphic designer. Do you think Jeff Saturday has any web design chops?