Your massively undercooked take on the world of advertising. 

I’m a little lad who loves berries and cream.

Everyone knows that red Starbursts are the best and yellow are the worst. But Berries & Cream Starburst, while never capable of dethroning red, are a powerhouse in their own right. This Starburst commercial from 15 years ago is a post-modern nightmare that tries to sell them to you. It will make you feel strange.

When carpet billboards get provocative.

If you’re driving around Oklahoma City any time soon, get ready for a seductive glance from a man trying to sell you competitively priced carpet. Just one look will tell you he’s all charged up—and I’m not talking about the static electricity. In all seriousness, I’ll bet he’s just trying to impress that cute girl from the one-hour photo place.

Gran’s posting snaps.

It’s a natural progression in the life of a social media platform: Young people are the early adopters; late 20s/early 30s creepers start to find out about it, then parents jump into the mix, and finally…grandparents. It happened to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and now it’s happening to Snapchat. Yes, a new report indicates that 14 percent of smartphone users over 35 are active on Snapchat and the number is growing fast. I just can’t help but miss the days when Gran was all about about busting up level-five Sudoku puzzles and watching Maury.

Peace. Love. Fajitas.

While I haven’t eaten at Chili’s this millennium, I well remember the 90s iteration: amazing nachos, rubbery steak, and the Gin Blossoms on repeat. In other words, not very hippyish. But they were founded by hippies—or so their new ad campaign would have you believe. I guess all we can do at this point is harken back to better days.

How to get 30 million views in a day.

Apparently you film an unoriginal idea and make sure it has absolutely nothing to do with your product. Like taking a young fit guy, dressing him up as an old guy, and having him lift weights. That’s what Smith & Forge—makers of what I’m guessing is very middling hard cider—did for a viral video campaign. And it went gangbusters, providing yet another example of why working in advertising is confusing as hell.