Your massively undercooked take on the world of advertising. To get it served up in your inbox every month, sign up here.

Mascot fails are the best.

Case in point, this little gem of commercial outtakes from White Bear Mitsubishi in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. It’s some of the best unintentional slapstick I’ve seen in pretty much forever. I don’t know if it helped them sell any cars, but that last face-plant makes me want to lease a new Mazda6 purely out of respect for the gentleman in the polar bear suit.

Having “fun” with “food.”

When you think of vapid sports talk hosts devoid of personality, you think of Mike and Mike. So it should come as no surprise that they’re teaming up with Applebee’s for what promises to be one of the most vanilla promotions of all time. The grand prize for the *ahem* burger photography contest? You get to be a producer on the Mike and Mike Show for a day and “participate in a post-show production meeting and get $250 in walking around money!” Sounds like winning an extra day of work. At least you’ll be compensated fairly.

May the facial tissue be with you.

I never thought I’d get emotional about a crossover ad for a Star Wars movie and a Filipino cell phone company. But I must admit this spot is quite touching—although I’m not quite seeing the correlation between pediatric illness and outstanding cell phone service. Nonetheless, order your lunch with onions so you have an excuse for all that eyeball juice.

Wendy’s finishes the beef.

For me, a large-size #6 from Wendy’s with no tomato and a red Hi-C is the height of epicureanism. So you can imagine my delight when I discovered that the only fast food joint worth going to also does some excellent re-trolling on Twitter. For example, user Thuggy-D questioned Wendy’s claim of never using frozen beef, tweeting @Wendys “so you deliver it raw on a hot truck?” To which the Wendy’s deftly replied “…you forgot refrigerators existed for a second there?” And just like that, the troll scampered back to its hermit cave (i.e. mom’s basement).

“In the dark of bread night, we have gone insane.”

That’s an original lyric from this Loaded Crazy Bread Bites Little Caesars ad that I can’t stop watching. If nothing else, it’s definitely the most metal 30 seconds of advertising I’ve ever seen. I love how they didn’t even bother with the whole rhyming-lyrics thing and just went straight-up blank verse. Well, technically they rhymed “insane” with “insane.” But what’s truly insane is how you’re playing chicken with a triple bypass every time you eat one of these things.