The last few years have not been especially kind to Super Bowl commercials. While you could argue they used to be just as important as the big game, their relevance has faded in the age of cord cutting and smart phones.

But some brands still come to play. While the competition isn’t what it once was, the beer and junk food companies can still be counted on to come up with some memorable stuff. And just like old times, we can look to Michelob Ultra to produce some misguided, head-scratching trash.

Are we reentering the glory days of the late 1990s and early 2000s when Super Bowl commercials were at their peak? Or are advertising clichés and a shameless parade of celebrity endorsements sending us further into the doldrums?

Continue on, dear reader, to find out.

Microsoft: I love this. It checks all the boxes: inspiring, heartwarming, has a positive message about video games, and stars a kid named Grover. A

Totally hilarious. Probably the best double entendres in TV commercial history. A

Stella Artois:
I’m torn here, because you’re messing with Dude canon by violating the White Russian rule. But on the other hand, having Jeff Bridges say “Stella Are-toes” is bliss. A-

Burger King:
It doesn’t make me want a Whopper, but…I just can’t look away. Best cameo this year. A-

When most companies go for the serious, life-or-death kind of commercial, the tie to the product is thin at best. Verizon pulled it off without being corny or preachy; they even managed to relate it to football. A-

Somehow it doesn’t seem far-fetched that we might soon have cars running on seafood towers. This is great post-modernism. B+

I normally don’t go for ads that obviously try to get emotional about an unemotional product (i.e. budget automobiles). But I’ll admit, the shots, music, and story are weirdly effective here. B+

This is a fun commercial, and I always appreciate the horror movie trope. A better ending could’ve made it a classic. B+

I’m willing to bet the machines are keeping a detailed record of every person who slights them, so they can punish us as robot overlords. In the meantime, I support ripping on Alexa. B

I was liking this a lot until they hit me with the wind power thing at the end. Seems a little disingenuous, but nice song and some gorgeous cinematography. B

This is the type of thing that sounds so dumb on paper, but kind of sort of works. Nick Carter’s intensity level frightens me. B

Toyota Supra:
I’ll be the first to admit this is a stupid idea, but I have a soft spot for pinball, and driving a car around a giant pinball machine is visually pleasing. And they licensed Pinball Wizard, so this gets my tacit approval. B

Jason Bateman gives this spot a little extra juice, and it does get the point across. Although I’d argue driving a Hyundai isn’t much better than getting a colonoscopy. B

Bud Light/Game of Thrones:
It didn’t really make any sense, but I love Game of Thrones and ads that end in total conflagration. I’ll give it a pass. B-

Good initial concept that they didn’t quite pull off. Never forget about the infamous Kendall Jenner commercial. B-

: It’s an advertisement for dog bowls from a company that specializes in floor mats for cars. They did this so they could show a dog working in a factory and wearing a name tag. B-

Avocados from Mexico:
Looks like somebody just saw Best in Show! I really enjoyed when they cut to Charles, but otherwise this should’ve been funnier. B-

Amazon Alexa:
Harrison Ford with the dog was a great bit. That should’ve been the whole spot, because the rest was meh. B-

Would you hallucinate about premium electric sports cars and your dead grandpa if you choked on a cashew? Is this an episode of Black Mirror? C+

Bud Light and Corn Syrup:
The whole dopey medieval royalty thing has so much potential, but Bud Light isn’t capitalizing on it. I don’t really care if you brew my beer with corn syrup or not. C

Toyota RAV4:
Really cool story, but they don’t tell it well. And tying it to a RAV4 is a stretch at best. C

A pretty straightforward, empowering message for women. Nothing terribly interesting here, but it serves its purpose. C

A Bo Jackson cameo means this spot can’t get lower than a C. The grade should tell you the rest. C

I appreciate how the exhaust of the peanut mobile sounds like a ’67 Mustang, but this commercial is low on both style and substance. Am I weird for liking kale chips? C-

BON & VIV Spiked Seltzer:
Sexy mermaids is a tried-and-true advertising approach, but it’s not working here. Sorry, the sharks didn’t save it. C-

You don’t need to be clever to get people interested in candy. Nobody tried too hard with this one. D+

Bubly Sparkling Water:
I really wanted to like this because, you know, Michael Bublé. Alas, it’s a dumb joke with a weak stinger. D+

All that to tell us your product listens to voice commands? Not exactly an effective marketing strategy in 2019. D 

Just steal an idea from Seinfeld, pay Luke Wilson a boatload of cash, and run with it. Shameless. D-

Michelob Ultra:
The robot’s compassion is stirring. He’s devastated these idiot humans not only suck at exercise, but also have terrible taste in beer.  D-

Mint Mobile:
I’m serious when I say this made me physically nauseous. Now I can’t walk down the dairy aisle without gagging. F

Michelob Ultra Pure Gold:
This is that special type of rage-inducing bad I’m used to from Michelob. Now I know what Bruce Banner feels like when he’s angry. F