Warning: spoilers ahead.
If you’re feeling a bit nonplussed about the Game of Thrones finale, you aren’t alone. It’s kind of depressing: Winter has come and gone, the (now metaphorical) Iron Throne is secured, and most important, the CleganeBowl ended in a spectacular draw.
Order is once again restored to Westeros. Which means we’ll have to find ways to commiserate—until that next culturally significant piece of prestige TV comes along.
So should I start a cathartic debate about the finer points of the Valerian steel manufacturing process? Or maybe a discussion about whether or not that infamous Starbucks cup was intentionally placed?
Nope. Instead, I’m going one better: repurposing Game of Thrones characters for my own selfish whims. And what better way to do that than to create a Game of Thrones-inspired marketing dream team? It’s a song of fire, ice, and ROI.
Account Executives – Arya Stark/Jaqen H’ghar. So your digital strategist is out sick and can’t present the analytics report? No problem. Just chant “Valar Morghulis” and WHAM, you’ve got your facemask-wearing “digital strategist” all set to chat up the client about bounce rates and CTAs.
CFO – Bronn Blackwater (Master of Coin). He was a bit of an odd choice for the small council, but who better to handle all the financials than someone who cares about literally nothing else? Put Bronn in a pinstriped Gucci Suit and he’ll handle those contract negotiations like Gordon Gecko.
Copywriter – Samwell Tarley. Young Samwell has always had a knack for words. Despite being the veteran of several important battles, Sam has always been more of a reader than a fighter—and thank goodness for that, because if it wasn’t for Sam scouring all those books at the Citadel, Jon Snow would probably still be getting fresh with his aunt.
Web Development – Sandor Clegane (The Hound). As someone who isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty—and who would love to tell you your tertiary navigation is stupid—it’d be great to get Dog started with some CSS.
Art Director – Catelyn Stark. She’s an expert knitter. She’s fashionable. She’s good at politicking. Catelyn is a big fan of solid colors (Stark Grey is so hot right now), but her penchant for accessorizing with fancy scarves gives her a certain flair that definitely translates well to design.
Digital Strategy – Varys. This guy is basically social media in human form: He knows everybody, he’s spying on your every move, and he’s going to use all the information he’s collected to manipulate you. Which, in this context, might mean using cookies to trick you into buying a beanbag chair off of Amazon. You might not support his methods, but The Spider gets results.
Business Development – Melisandre. As one who’s pretty good at talking powerful people into doing stuff, Melisandre seems like an easy choice for business development. She’ll tell you to gaze into the flames, say something about a red star bleeding and big corporate profits, and BAM: new account.
CEO – Ned Stark. Ned was a righteous dude with a strong moral compass. He was reliable, rational, and ruled with total professionalism and grace. He also more than proved he can take one for the team.
Creative Director – Tyrion Lannister. Tyrion said it best in the series finale: “There’s nothing more powerful in the world than a good story. Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it.”
Tyrion is right: Nothing transcends like a great story. It’s the single most important element to your marketing. His respect for the power of story—and his exceptionally clever mind—show he’s already got the right tools to be an advertising genius.